In 1995, we learned the truth! I will share:
From email@fringeware.comSun May 28 12:07:49 1995
Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 16:47:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: FringeWare Daily <email@fringeware.com>
Reply to: Daemon Agent reporting for duty! <reficul@gigantor.arlington.com>
Subject: MATRIX - Alternate Dr. Internet
Sent from: reficul@gigantor.arlington.com (Daemon Agent reporting for duty!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
brought to you by: Your Mom - founder of the internet
http://www.arlington.com/~reficul/ Member of PIGDOG Tactical Squadron
pig-box reficul@arlington.com !/^\! Star Student of Dr. Murdock
alt m-box manny@bamf.org /__@__\ Smoker of Blunts
!___|_|_|_|___!
BEWARE! The internet is BAD
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 14:33:37 -0700
>From: Randy Mills <joyride@best.com>
>Subject: Alternate Dr. Internet (fwd)
>Date: Fri, 19 May 1995 08:14:42 -0700
>From: tdowling@lib.washington.edu
>
>I have been alerted to the presence of a "Dr. Internet" column which
>claims to be authoritative, but in fact contains several errors. This
>alternate version obviates this difficulty by making no such claim, but
>does try to project the aura of quiet wisdom found in the original "Ask
>Dr. Science." It was apparently written by our overnight janitor one
>evening when I forgot to logoff. (Yeah, that's the ticket.)
>
>==================================
>
>1. How big is the Internet? When did it start? How did it grow?
>
> The Internet is actually much smaller than most people think. It
> is primarily composed of fiber optic cables no thicker than a human
> hair, which can be conveniently rolled up and stored in a foot
> locker. Janitors at the National Science Foundation do this on the
> third Tuesday of every month when they wax the floors.
>
> Since fiber optics are the size of human hairs, they also make
> attractive wigs. The next time you watch a Sprint commercial,
> you'll see that Candice Bergen's alleged hair is really the T4
> backbone.
>
> The earliest origins of the Internet can be traced to Ancient
> Greece, where a loosely connected set of networks was used to
> discuss exploration in the Black Sea. The Argonets, as they were
> then called, were entirely subsidized by the government, and won
> one of William Proxmire's first Golden Fleece awards.
>
> The Internet grows hyperbolically, but is usually described
> elliptically.
>
>
>2. Who owns the Internet?
>
> There is no one person or agency that owns the Internet. Instead,
> parts of it are owned by the Illuminati and parts are owned by Free
> Masons.
>
>
>3. What do the Internet addresses mean?
>
> Precise meanings are often hard to determine. The address
> baker.lib.washington.edu--which is sometimes written
> baker@lib.washington.edu--seems to refer to a computer either owned
> by a baker or by someone named Baker. This can be deceiving
> however; names like this actually refer to where a computer is
> located. This one is on top of Mt. Baker.
>
> In addition to names, computers on the Internet also have numbers.
> This is part of the whole right brain/left brain thing.
>
>
>4. Tell me how to get on and off various lists and discussion groups.
>
> Getting off on various lists is currently the subject of pending
> legislation.
>
>
>5. What is "Netiquette?"
>
> "Netiquette" is one of many cutesy neologisms created by combining
> two other words. In this case, "network" and "tourniquette"
> combine to describe a program that shuts down a computer if it
> starts transmitting information too fast.
>
>
>6. What is "Flaming?"
>
> Along with an improvisational approach to floating point
> arithmetic, early Pentium chips were noted for generating heat.
> While some hackers speak fondly of roasting marshmallows over their
> first P60s, others found themselves badly singed as the chips
> caught fire. This "flaming" sometimes occurred while the user was
> composing e-mail, resulting in poorly chosen or excessively
> vitriolic verbiage.
>
>
>7. What is "Bandwidth?"
>
> As capacity on the Internet has increased, people have begun to
> transmit material other than simple text. One notable example is
> audio recordings of rock concerts. These audio files are much
> larger than even very long books, so they have become a standard
> unit of network usage. One Rolling Stone song equals one "band"
> width, and so on.
>
>
>8. Why can't I FTP to some places?
>
> There are two main reasons for this. The first is that the site
> you want to ftp files from is exercising a certain degree of
> control over its network resources; in network parlance, this is
> called "fascism."
>
> The second reason is that the remote site may be dabbling with such
> network fads as gopher or the World Wide Web. This is called
> "keeping up with the times."
>
>
>9. What is the World Wide Web, Gopherspace, etc?
>
> The World Wide Web, or WWW, is an experiment in generating acronyms
> that are much more difficult to pronounce than the words they
> replace.
>
> Gopherspace is an older network term. In response to the Soviet
> space program's early use of dogs in space, NASA mounted a program
> to orbit a number of different rodents. The programmers involved
> in this project adopted the motto "Gophers in space!" which has
> since been shortened. The only actual gopher to go into orbit had
> been digging up the carrots in Werner Von Braun's garden, and was
> named Veronica after his daughter.
>
>
>10. Why can't I get some WWW stuff via FTP?
>
> It can be hard to say this, but some users of the Internet are
> unable to do things because they are stupid. The comparatively
> trivial task of getting an ftp client to do every single thing a
> WWW browser can do is beneath this column's attention.
>
>
>Tune in next time for Ask Dr. Internet--
>
> "I have a master's degree....in Internet!"
>
>
>=====================================
>
>Dr. Internet, Master of All Knowledge
>Benedictine On the Rocks With a Twist
>No official connection to Dr. Science
>
Statistics: Posted by breaker — Thu Feb 06, 2025 3:48 am